Friday, April 1, 2011

The Weather

The official prediction for the weather for the remainder of the spring and summer is out.  The forecast is for balmy days in the low to mid 80s and warm nights above 50 degrees.   We will have abundant sunshine during all daylight hours and odd 5-hour rainstorms will come after midnight every single night. 

This pattern will come from the Southern Pacific tropics and will affect the entire US continent.  Forecasters say it is a very unusual pattern, and that it will be very strong.  It is unlikely to break until the late fall cold sets in.

What’s more, they say that this consistent weather pattern will be a destructive environment for common vegetable garden pests.  It will kill slugs, cabbageworms and aphids.    It will also cause deer and rabbits to go into a five-month hibernation . 

Officials add that most weeds are allergic to this weather pattern so they will not grow.  But the extra slooflirpa that is in common vegetable plants will cause them to thrive well beyond what’s normal.  Vegetable crop yields will be more than gardeners have seen in years.  This environment will also cause vegetable flavor to be more vibrant and flower blooms to be larger and more colorful and plentiful.

As if that weren’t enough, this weather pattern will cause all gardeners to lose 20 pounds and their children to behave like angels.  AND, the republicans and democrats will get along and our economy will thrive. 

It’s going to be a fun season. 

Source: The Ronco Institute of Weather Research


  1. Sounds perfect. The only thing I would add is that the weather pattern will be such that every person will receive a warm, healthy glow on their skin. Cancers of the skin and sunburns will not exist with this weather pattern but the absorption of vitamin D will heal all that ails you. :)